


Now My Friends Are Dead And Gone

by FlyAwayChild



Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Depressed Steve, Emotional Hurt, Les Misérables- Empty Chairs at Empty Tables, M/M, Multi, No Spoilers, References to Depression, Sleep Deprivation, Songfic, Sorry Not Sorry, The Author Regrets Nothing, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-26 19:08:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12065202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlyAwayChild/pseuds/FlyAwayChild
Summary: Oh my friends, my friends forgive meThat I live and you are goneThere's a grief that can't be spoken,And there's a pain goes on and onOr...The one were Steve can't sleep and things take a rather depressing turn.You have been warned





	Now My Friends Are Dead And Gone

**Author's Note:**

> I heard the song this morning and it just kinda got stuck in my head and then i started of thinking about what it reminded me of and what could it be better suited for then a Steve Rogers story. Thanks for reading and if you have any suggestions on Avengers works hit me up
> 
> Winterhawk.E23@gmail.
> 
> -Mischief Managed-

With a clenched jaw he continued to tape his hands ignoring his the way his vision blurred around the edges, the last link he had to his old life was gone, Peggy was gone, the Peggy he fell in love with was gone

He turned towards the punching bag, digging in for a long night he started slowly at first picking up speed as more memories flashed through his mind

There's a grief that can't be spoken.  
There's a pain goes on and on.  
Empty chairs at empty tables  
Now my friends are dead and gone.

The tower was rather silent that night, Bruce had dragged Tony out of his lab a few hours ago and as far as he knew they were both passed out on there floors, Thor was way on Asgard, still dealing with his brother, Clint was on an assignment from Fury and Natasha was on the helicarrier so he was alone in the gym with only his thoughts.

Here they talked of revolution.  
Here it was they lit the flame.  
Here they sang about tomorrow  
And tomorrow never came.

He remembered the bar they had sat at the day before the train happened, laughing, drinking and singing, it was where they was supposed to celebrate there victory but then Bucky feel...they lost him, their friend, their pal.

He lost his brother, his Bucky

He had spent the rest of the train ride on autopilot and barely remembered going to the bar he and the commandos had spent a few nights just looking to relaxe and finally have a moment of peace. It was scorched to bits and he found it ironic that there was a single unaffected chair at the corner table that they would often sit at, it took him little time to find an unharmed bottle of alcohol and glasses. It was over an hour later and a bottle and a half of liquor that peggy had found him.

He had discovered that he couldn't get drunk not long beforehand but it hadn't stopped him from pouring glass after glass of the intoxicating liquid.

From the table in the corner  
They could see a world reborn  
And they rose with voices ringing  
And I can hear them now!  
The very words that they had sung  
Became their last communion  
On this lonely barricade at dawn.

His punches landed along the bag with quick, sharp jerks and the bad swong at the forceful blows

He remembered General Phillips and Dr. Abraham Erskine the man that had been the reason that he was like this, a hero of dark times. He still remembered some of the last things both men had told him as if it was only yesterday that the man was killed or the last time he had saw the man that he knew was rather found of him even if he didn't show it.

'Whatever happens tomorrow, you must promise me one thing; that you will stay who you are. Not a perfect soldier but a good man' he finally understood what the man meant

'Don't look at me, i'm not gonna kiss you' he missed the Generals sarcastic and witty comments, he may have been gruff and seem uncaring but the man had a big heart. He was happy to have known the man.

Oh my friends, my friends forgive me  
That I live and you are gone.  
There's a grief that can't be spoken.  
There's a pain goes on and on.

He shouldn't be alive by all rights he should have been dead like the rest of the people that were his family, his beloved mother Sara and his best friend and brother Bucky, with his commandos. There was nothing he could do in this world because it wasn't his time, Peggy had said she regretted the fact the he had not gotten to live his life after the war, and now that he though of it he regretted it to, not saving the saving New York part, but not being able to live and see his friends move on. Now Peggy was gone too and there was nothing left of his time that wasn't in a museum. He knew that nothing was supposed to last and that goodbye was only said to the person, never the memories but to him it only seemed to make it hurt so much more.

His fists struck the bag violently but he wasn't detoured in the least, punch after punch, violent blow after violent blow, silent tears left tracks on his face but he was to distracted to notice.

Phantom faces at the windows.  
Phantom shadows on the floor.  
Empty chairs at empty tables  
Where my friends will meet no more.

He still had dreams about the war and about them, his friends, some were of better times while others haunted him till he woke up in a cold sweat. Out off all the Avengers, he, Tony, and Clint had the worst sleeping habits, Tony just lost track of time and would work for days straight or until Pepper had Jarvis lock him out of the lab and Clint, who never had what you could call a peaceful night, was still dealing with the repercussions of the Loki incident. It kept him up most nights and Steve knew he would go to the archery range after he woke up screaming, that combined with his odd work hours it left something to be desired in his sleep schedule and he himself.... He just avoided sleeping because sleeping lead to dreaming and that lead him back to gym for another round with the punching bag. It didn't help that he could still hear Gabe speaking in other languages and DumDum and Bucky cracking jokes back and forth or Peggy fondly calling him an idiot with one of her breath taking smiles.

Those were the nights he felt more alone then ever

Oh my friends, my friends, don't ask me  
What your sacrifice was for

He remembered when Fury came to talk to him about the Avengers 'when i went under the world was at war. I woke up and they say we won.....they didn't say what we lost'. They had lost so much and he didn't mean money or even people. They lost so much more, the lost something so deep and sacred that mist people didnt even know they lost it.

One last punch sent the back sliding across the floor as sand spilled form the busted seem, he sank to his knees and for the first time since Peggy's funeral he aloud himself to cry, loud broken sobs that shook his broad frame and he aloud himself to morn for the commandos and for the General, for Dr. Erickson and Peggy and Bucky, even for Phil Coulson and the citizens that got killed during the battle.

Empty chairs at empty tables  
Where my friends will sing no more...


End file.
